My wife thought I would hit her.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I went for a walk while on vacation. We had one of those special conversations where you learn something new from someone you’ve known for a quarter century. My wife told me that the first time I got angry with her, she thought I would hit her. We […]
Blame the Clothes
As a college student, I did laundry as infrequently as I could get away with. Disclaimer: I generally wore clean clothes, but that meant I frequently was down to an empty closet before I headed to the laundromat. I only remember it being a problem once. It was an unseasonably warm spring my sophomore year. […]
The problem with de-escalation…
De-escalation has one MAJOR problem. The problem is NOT that it doesn’t work. The research is clear that de-escalation works: No, the problem with de-escalation isn’t its effectiveness. The problem is that someone has to go first. In conflict, someone has to go first… and lower their volume. Someone has to go first… and genuinely […]
“Please turn in police officers who behave badly.”
Howdy! Our next webinar is about how to handle police misconduct. There’s a twist, though… To avoid getting bogged down in an unhelpful culture war debate, I interviewed a Sheriff to find out what law enforcement recommends. In the interview, Sheriff Ron Hain of Kane County, Illinois offers a lot of nuance, but his basic […]
Lead. Don’t follow.
Increasingly, I am learning that de-escalation is more about having the right mindset than having the right tools. Here’s a mindset shift related to de-escalation… Lead. Don’t Follow. In conflict, you want to LEAD the other person into the behavior you want from them, not FOLLOW them into the foolish things they’re doing. If you […]
“Dementia Acquired Racism”
I have a confession: I made up the term “Dementia Acquired Racism.” The term may not exist, but the concept is very real. Many people think of Alzheimer’s and Dementia in terms of “forgetful old people.” Reality can be far more challenging. Dementia generally—and Alzheimer’s specifically—can cause a person to behave in ways that are […]
A tool for solving drama.
Last week’s email introduced the concept of personality disorders. You can read it here: https://www.homelesstraining.com/people-dont-call-them-mentally-ill-they-call-them-jerks/ This week I want to share a quick tool for managing the drama created by someone suffering from a personality disorder. It comes directly from Dr. Gregory Lester, who is this month’s webinar. If you want to watch my interview […]
Stop telling your staff to be compassionate.
I love empathy. I’m a big fan of compassion. I think that professionalism is the bee’s knees. I also think that telling your staff to be empathetic, compassionate, and/or professional is REALLY bad advice. How to coach your staff to get better at de-escalation It is very natural to try to inspire your staff to […]
Abusive people on the phone.
Dear Ryan, I answer the phones at a shelter. The problem is that our shelter is full. I put people on our waitlist and provide them with information on other options (none of which are good). Some people are “not very nice” to me when I tell them we are full. I’ve been cursed at, […]
Alcohol and Violence
If you work with the public, there are two things you need to know about alcohol and violence… First: Alcohol is the most violent drug Most people—including law enforcement—think that “hard drugs” like meth are worse than alcohol. Nope. According to the data, alcohol is most closely associated with violence. That isn’t to say that […]
