I recently shared some of our trainings with a big company.
Their employees are struggling with an increase in incidents related to homelessness.
After we watched a video together, we had the following conversation:
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- Ryan: What did you think?
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- Big Company: That isn’t what we are looking for.
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- Ryan: How so?
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- Big Company: It seemed like it was mostly about how to prevent conflict.
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- Ryan: Yeah, exactly! And that isn’t what you want to do?
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- Big Company: No. We need to train our staff in what to do once the person is already angry and screaming at them.
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- Ryan: But it is REALLY hard to de-escalate a person who is already angry and screaming. It is MUCH easier to prevent the situation from reaching that point in the first place.
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- Big Company: We want our staff trained in how to handle a person who is spinning out of control.
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- Ryan: It takes years of practice to get good at handling someone who is already triggered and furious. In about 20 minutes, though, I can teach your staff how to prevent that from happening.
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- Big Company: It just seems too simple to work. I think we need more.
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- Ryan: We’re probably not a good fit for you then. Most of our trainings ARE simple and are designed to prevent conflict (and the need for advanced de-escalation)…
De-Escalation vs. Conflict Prevention
Our approach to de-escalating conflict is 90% around preventing conflict in the first place. The other 10% is what to do when the doo doo hits the fan.
Increasingly, I am getting push back from organizations who don’t see the value of conflict prevention.
I am trying to teach people how to “defuse bombs.”
They would rather learn how to “survive explosions.”
I think part of the problem is the term “de-escalation.” It is a bit of a misnomer. (I’ve seen “pre-escalation” thrown around as an alternative).
I think the rest of the problem is that conflict prevention done well is REALLY boring.
When your staff prevents conflict, nothing bad happens.
No one has to fill out an incident form.
No one has to review security tapes.
No one has to de-brief or do an After Action Report.
No one has to contact worker’s comp or take time off to recover.
It is easy to ignore conflict prevention because NOTHING HAPPENS when your staff does it well.
In my opinion, though, the best way to “de-escalate” conflict is to never need to.
Have a great week!
Peace,
Ryan
