People email me a lot asking how they should handle a staff person who enjoys enforcing the rules too much. It comes across as “picking on” people or “bullying” them.
I tell them that their staff member is what psychologists call an “Everyday Sadist.” There isn’t really anything they can do to help the person be better.
I might be wrong…
I’m working on a new training on “Everyday Sadism” and thought I would share a few insights that I found fascinating.
NOTE: If you aren’t familiar with the term, an “Everyday Sadist” is someone who shows “low level” sadistic tendencies. They don’t usually harm people physically like a “sadist.” Instead, they enjoy humiliating people and asserting their power and dominance over people in everyday life.
The concept has only been around in the psychological literature for about a decade, so there are a lot of new developments.
What the Research Suggests
Most of the research was disheartening, but not surprising:
- Online Trolling – The research suggests that a LOT of online trolls are everyday sadists.
- Workplace Bullying – The research suggests that a LOT of workplace bullies are everyday sadists.
- Victim Blaming – Everyday sadists are WAY more likely to blame victims of sexual assault.
- Dehumanization – Everyday sadists are WAY more likely to dehumanize people.
There were a few things, though, that I was not expecting:
- Boredom – Research suggests that one of the primary reasons everyday sadists humiliate others is because they are bored.
- Empathy – Research suggests that everyday sadists are capable of empathizing with others (when asked to do so), but don’t necessarily do it automatically.
- Relationships – Everyday sadists typically target strangers instead of humiliating romantic partners, friends or family.
What That Means to YOU
Those last three factors give me hope that there is something employers can do to curb the sadistic tendencies of some of their employees.
There are two obvious solutions:
- Keep them busy so they don’t get bored
- Do empathy-building exercises
The research hasn’t developed enough to know how organizations can do these two in a way that has long-term results… yet.
I am encouraged, though that there might be hope for those who dehumanize and bully…
Have a great week!
Peace,
Ryan P.S. Our live training on Thursday is a conversation with Karen Romero, an expert on Human Trafficking. These trainings are normally only for members; however, we’re opening this one up to everyone. Our Zoom webinar is limited to 3,000 registrations so if you’re interested in attending (or watching the replay), sign up NOW.
