There are two types of aggression.
They have almost nothing to do with each other.
Proactive Aggression
Proactive aggression is violence (or the threat of violence) used as a tool to get what you want.
Pulling a knife on someone in an alley and demanding their wallet is proactive aggression.
It is done rationally, intentionally and with pre-planning.
Proactive aggression is rooted in selfishness and a callous disregard for other human beings.
Fortunately, proactive aggression is relatively rare.
Reactive Aggression
Reactive aggression is a fearful response to a perceived threat.
Shoving someone who insults you is reactive aggression.
It is an unplanned response to bullying.
Reactive aggression is rooted in fear.
The vast majority of aggression is reactive.
Why the distinction matters
Proactive aggression responds well to punishment.
People who are afraid of going to jail or being fired (or reactive aggression!) think twice before using proactive aggression.
Reactive aggression does not respond well to punishment.
People in the middle of reactive aggression are acting from their Amygdala, which is impulsive and emotional. The Amygdala doesn’t think through the consequences of actions.
Fortunately, there are two things that reactive aggression responds very well to:
- Respect – If you show the other person respect, it reduces their fear response. This lowers their reactive aggression.
- Empathy – If you can understand the other person’s fear, you can help reduce their reactive aggression.
Remember, most aggression is reactive.
Have a great week!
Peace,
Ryan
