My son asked me to explain my moral code.
My son is 25 years old. He and I had a father-son dinner a few weeks ago at a small Italian restaurant. In between the calamari and the chicken parmesan he asked me to explain my moral code. As a parent, there are a few moments that matter more than others. This felt like one […]
Blame the Clothes
As a college student, I did laundry as infrequently as I could get away with. Disclaimer: I generally wore clean clothes, but that meant I frequently was down to an empty closet before I headed to the laundromat. I only remember it being a problem once. It was an unseasonably warm spring my sophomore year. […]
The problem with de-escalation…
De-escalation has one MAJOR problem. The problem is NOT that it doesn’t work. The research is clear that de-escalation works: No, the problem with de-escalation isn’t its effectiveness. The problem is that someone has to go first. In conflict, someone has to go first… and lower their volume. Someone has to go first… and genuinely […]
Lead. Don’t follow.
Increasingly, I am learning that de-escalation is more about having the right mindset than having the right tools. Here’s a mindset shift related to de-escalation… Lead. Don’t Follow. In conflict, you want to LEAD the other person into the behavior you want from them, not FOLLOW them into the foolish things they’re doing. If you […]
The most important fact about Alzheimer’s disease
If you work with individuals suffering from Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia, there is something you need to know: Individuals suffering from dementia can read your nonverbal cues even when they struggle to understand the words you are saying. The biggest implication of this is that they will know if you show your frustration in […]
What is De-Escalation?
I’m working on a 5-minute training on de-escalation for people new to the concept. I thought I would try the concept out on y’all! —– When someone is rude to you or refuses to follow the rules, most people naturally lean towards one of two responses: Take a second and decide which one you naturally […]
A tool for solving drama.
Last week’s email introduced the concept of personality disorders. You can read it here: https://www.homelesstraining.com/people-dont-call-them-mentally-ill-they-call-them-jerks/ This week I want to share a quick tool for managing the drama created by someone suffering from a personality disorder. It comes directly from Dr. Gregory Lester, who is this month’s webinar. If you want to watch my interview […]
Kindness heals… but it is asymmetrical
All Souls Have Wounds I have never met a person who didn’t have wounds on their soul. True, some souls have a few faded scars while others are crisscrossed with layers of gangrenous pain. But all souls have wounds. Kindness Heals Forgive my language, but the saying “Time heals all wounds” is bullshit. It is […]
There are no Saints.
There are only two types of people in this world: Type 1: Good People They are kind and patient. They volunteer at homeless shelters. They help little old ladies across the street and find lost cats. They watch documentaries, read the BBC, listen to NPR, drive the speed limit and cross the street at crosswalks. […]
Burnout and the rhythm of world “repair.”
Staff burnout rates at homeless shelters are high. I have seen people burn out in a matter of months. I have seen other people, though, happily work for decades. From my experience, the biggest difference between the two is the source of their purpose: Thought Exercise: Addictions Counselor Imagine that it is your job to […]
