No one wants to yell at you.
When I ran the shelter, I was yelled at…A LOT… Sometimes first thing in the morning (before I was even awake). Sometimes in front of an audience (residents and my staff). Sometimes by people twice my size (and scary!). Next time someone is yelling at you, I want you to remember one thing. No one […]
“Excuses” vs. “Explanations”
Did you know… None of these are excuses for bad behavior, but they are all explanations for bad behavior. We can seek to understand the root cause of bad behavior without excusing bad behavior. If you understand why someone is behaving badly, it is MUCH easier to help them behave well than if you just write them off as […]
How do I handle repeat offenders?
Dear Ryan, I work at a coffee shop. There is a guy who lives in the woods nearby. Most days he will come in and buy a small coffee and sit around for a while. That is cool. What is not cool is that he keeps asking other customers for money. When we ask him […]
The problem is not what you think it is.
I am doing a training tomorrow for McDonald’s national security team. By the way, I’ve been working with McDonald’s for about a year, and I have been REALLY impressed with how committed they are to a compassionate approach to homelessness. In preparation for training their team, I was reviewing our old training on “How to […]
De-escalating conflict is like typing without looking at your hands.
Can you type without looking at your hands? If not, this newsletter won’t be very helpful. Do you remember learning how to touch type? It was REALLY hard. First, someone had to teach you where to put your fingers. Then, you had to think about every single key very carefully (“’J’ is my right index […]
Someone who is “Level 3 Drunk”
In this week’s training, I teach how to de-escalate conflict (and enforce the rules) with someone who is drunk or high. The are four levels of people who are under the influence: Here is a 1-minute video from that training teaching the core tool for individuals who are a “Level 3.” If the link above […]
Harold was a “little” inebriated.
I was 21 years old. I had only worked at the shelter for a month and still had no idea what the heck I was doing. The rest of the staff had gone home for the night, leaving me to run the shelter by myself. Harold stumbled in at 10:30 pm. He smelled like someone […]
Should libraries hire social workers?
“Should our library hire a social worker to help with issues we can’t help with like mental health, housing assistance, etc.?” Library managers ask me this A LOT. Over the years, libraries have been transformed into community centers. It’s natural that the most vulnerable in the community seek out libraries for help with tough questions. […]
How do I balance kindness and strength?
Dear Ryan, How do I be kind without coming across as gullible, weak, or as a pushover? How do I find the right balance? Mike Mike, I think you are asking the wrong question. You don’t “balance” kindness and strength. They aren’t opposites. The key is to be both fully “kind” and fully “firm” at […]
“Old man Jenkins is drunk and swinging on people.”
It was 9:00 pm in the second largest homeless shelter in Illinois. The only employees were me and Chris, who was brand new. It was a quiet night with a relatively low number of residents in the shelter (“only” 150 or so). A resident (a middle-aged Hispanic man with a handlebar mustache) approached Chris and […]
