Pole dancing in Toledo

I did a series of trainings for the Toledo Public Library before the world ended.  (You all were awesome, by the way!)

A woman in her 20s shared a story of an incident from earlier the same week.

A library patron (twice her age) asked, “Didn’t I see you dancing on a pole last night?”

She looked at him and without any facial expression and in a completely monotone voice asked, “What do you mean?”

He stumbled with his words.  Completely flummoxed, he eventually said, “Never mind” and walked away.


He was expecting one of a few possible responses.  The top two are:

  1. Flirting – He probably didn’t expect her to ask him on a date, but he might have been hoping for a little “harmless” flirting.  (In case it wasn’t clear, I put the “harmless” in quotes to signify that I don’t think it is harmless).
  2. Objection – It gives him an opportunity to say something like, “Oh, you are pretty enough to be a dancer.”  Even an argument keeps the conversation going.

What she did was sidestep the entire conversation like a Judo master using the weight of her enemy to bring him down!

The key is to have a totally “flat affect.” 

Flat Affect = Monotone voice, no facial expression, completely devoid of all emotion.

The creepy dude is feeding off her emotions.  Any emotion will work for him.  Even a negative emotion works.  When she puts the question back to him without any emotion, it ruins his game.

Thank you!


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