My son is 25 years old.
He and I had a father-son dinner a few weeks ago at a small Italian restaurant.
In between the calamari and the chicken parmesan he asked me to explain my moral code.
As a parent, there are a few moments that matter more than others.
This felt like one of those.
So, I sat there silently for at least 30 seconds thinking it through.
Finally, I said:
“I ask myself what the world would be like if everyone did what I was considering.
For example, I spilled coffee at the airport the other day. I asked myself, ‘What would the world be like if everyone spilled their coffee and walked away?’ Then I asked, ‘What would the world be like if everyone cleaned up their messes?’ Then I went to the bathroom, got paper towels and cleaned up my coffee.”
My son asked, “Even though no one would know if you didn’t clean it up?”
“Yup.” I said, “I would still know. And I care about how I look at myself.”
He pushed further, “Even though most other people would not have cleaned it up?”
“Yup.” I said, “Bad behavior being common doesn’t make it good.”
My son nodded silently for a few moments before the conversation moved on to the book Sapiens (our FAVORITE thing to talk about!).
That was a few weeks ago and I’ve thought of that conversation every day since.
At first, I was upset that I couldn’t think of a more clever or sophisticated answer.
As I’ve sat with it, though, that it really is the basis of my morality.
EVERY time I have used this simple idea to guide my actions, I have been proud of myself. And EVERY time I have ignored this simple test, I have been disappointed with—or even ashamed of—myself.
I don’t know why it took my son asking for me to clarify my moral code so succinctly.
Perhaps I’m at “that age” where I’m starting to think about the type of world I am leaving my children.
Or maybe it’s just that no one ever asked me so directly.
Either way, I’m glad he asked.
Peace,
Ryan
