One of these stories is exciting.
The other is helpful.
Story #1
I had a knife pulled on me when I was 21.
The guy was a year older than me and had the muscles of someone recently out of prison (because he was, in fact, recently out of prison).
I didn’t handle it perfectly, but…
I didn’t get myself stabbed.
I didn’t allow him to stab anyone else.
The end.
Story #2
It was my second week working at the shelter and I was the only staff working that night.
A mentally ill man (Schizophrenia?) walked in upset and confrontational.
I handled the situation poorly…
My tone of voice was wrong.
My body language was wrong.
My words were wrong.
He didn’t mean to dump a pulled pork sandwich on my head.
He just meant to knock the tray of food out of my hand.
Gravity did the rest.
The end.
“War Stories” and “Confession Stories”
When we are coaching other staff on how to do de-escalation, there are two types of stories we can tell:
- War Stories are exciting tales of how we successfully navigated a challenging situation.
- Confession Stories are comedic (or tragic) tales of our blunders and misadventures.
War Stories send the message that you were always good at de-escalation.
They think: If I’m not naturally good at de-escalation, I’ll never be good at it. I should stop trying – it’s a waste of time.
Confession Stories send the message that when you started you lacked skills and confidence… just like them!
They think: If I’m not naturally good at de-escalation, THAT’S OK. I just need to practice and then I’ll be good at it too.
War Stories are exciting, but Confession Stories are helpful.
Your staff need to believe that THEY can be good at de-escalation
Choose your stories carefully.
Want to learn other strategies for helping your staff get better at de-escalation?
Have an epic week!
Peace,
Ryan
