The problem with prejudice
I love people. When I ran a homeless shelter, I saw hundreds of thousands of acts of kindness. My heart has been forever warmed. In my 46 times around the sun I have seen countless people help strangers simply because it is the right thing to do. Every time, my soul overflows with gratitude. My […]
Abusive people on the phone.
Dear Ryan, I answer the phones at a shelter. The problem is that our shelter is full. I put people on our waitlist and provide them with information on other options (none of which are good). Some people are “not very nice” to me when I tell them we are full. I’ve been cursed at, […]
Two types of aggression
There are two types of aggression. They have almost nothing to do with each other. Proactive Aggression Proactive aggression is violence (or the threat of violence) used as a tool to get what you want. Pulling a knife on someone in an alley and demanding their wallet is proactive aggression. It is done rationally, intentionally […]
Rookie Mistake #72
I was Executive Director of a large homeless shelter outside of Chicago for nearly two decades. I kept a list of “Rookie Mistakes” (mistakes that new staff made that more experienced staff didn’t). Here is one of my favorites! Rookie Mistake #72: Not knowing when to shut up Situation: Mistake: Talking. I am amazed by […]
Homeless Tip: When you lose your temper…
Sometimes you will lose your temper. You’re human. It happens. When you lose your temper, though, you have a choice: When you lose your temper, take a moment to reflect on why you became so upset. Something about the interchange was a trigger for you. It is very helpful to know your triggers. Once you […]
Schizophrenia and Alcohol both cause this cognitive distortion.
It was a few years ago. I still ran a large homeless shelter. I was outside the shelter. I think it was sunny. I was tired. It showed in my voice and facial expression. “Good morning” I said—without any real enthusiasm—to one of the residents. To my surprise he snarled, “Why are you talking to […]
I don’t like de-escalation.
I recently shared some of our trainings with a big company. Their employees are struggling with an increase in incidents related to homelessness. After we watched a video together, we had the following conversation: De-Escalation vs. Conflict Prevention Our approach to de-escalating conflict is 90% around preventing conflict in the first place. The other 10% […]
Emotions are contagious.
Our emotions are contagious. That isn’t a metaphor. Emotions are LITERALLY contagious. Let me give you the science behind it. Researchers at the University of Parma—which is in Italy and was founded in the 10th century—discovered that we have these things in our brains called “mirror neurons.” These mirror neurons fire when you experience an […]
The Migrant Crisis
When I was in my 30’s I took a couple years off from homelessness to work on other issues. For about a year I was the Executive Director of a nonprofit law firm for immigrants in Washington D.C. That experience taught me that my calling is homelessness. Perhaps just as importantly, I learned a lot […]
No one wants to yell at you.
When I ran the shelter, I was yelled at…A LOT… Sometimes first thing in the morning (before I was even awake). Sometimes in front of an audience (residents and my staff). Sometimes by people twice my size (and scary!). Next time someone is yelling at you, I want you to remember one thing. No one […]
