My wife thought I would hit her.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I went for a walk while on vacation. We had one of those special conversations where you learn something new from someone you’ve known for a quarter century. My wife told me that the first time I got angry with her, she thought I would hit her. We […]
Blame the Clothes
As a college student, I did laundry as infrequently as I could get away with. Disclaimer: I generally wore clean clothes, but that meant I frequently was down to an empty closet before I headed to the laundromat. I only remember it being a problem once. It was an unseasonably warm spring my sophomore year. […]
“If you don’t do something about Joe, we will!”
Mike didn’t look happy as he worked his way through the crowded shelter dining room heading towards me. Mike had been homeless for several years. I knew him well. I knew the conversation we were about to have wasn’t going to be pleasant. “If you don’t do something about Joe, we will,” Mike hissed at […]
The problem with de-escalation…
De-escalation has one MAJOR problem. The problem is NOT that it doesn’t work. The research is clear that de-escalation works: No, the problem with de-escalation isn’t its effectiveness. The problem is that someone has to go first. In conflict, someone has to go first… and lower their volume. Someone has to go first… and genuinely […]
“Please turn in police officers who behave badly.”
Howdy! Our next webinar is about how to handle police misconduct. There’s a twist, though… To avoid getting bogged down in an unhelpful culture war debate, I interviewed a Sheriff to find out what law enforcement recommends. In the interview, Sheriff Ron Hain of Kane County, Illinois offers a lot of nuance, but his basic […]
Lead. Don’t follow.
Increasingly, I am learning that de-escalation is more about having the right mindset than having the right tools. Here’s a mindset shift related to de-escalation… Lead. Don’t Follow. In conflict, you want to LEAD the other person into the behavior you want from them, not FOLLOW them into the foolish things they’re doing. If you […]
