A few weeks ago, I was working in a permanent supportive housing program when an argument broke out.
If you aren’t familiar with “permanent supportive housing,” it is an effective and research-backed way to house the most profoundly troubled homeless folks. The federal government is currently trying to eliminate it in order to return to program models from the 1980’s that were proven not to work.
The argument was between two women, both with substantial mental health challenges.
One woman was standing and the other sitting at a table.
First, I tried to de-escalate the woman standing since she appeared to be the more aggressive of the two.
I completely failed.
She continued to shout around me at the other woman as if I was pillar or pole that was obstructing her view.
Then it clicked that her behavior had all the hallmarks of a personality disorder (probably borderline). Individuals suffering from personality disorders often are fueled by conflict. Remove the fuel and the fire dies out.
I went over and sat next to the other woman (who was yelling insults back at the other woman). The following conversation happened between the two of us:
Me: What is your favorite type of food?
Her: (She looks at me like I have three heads)
Me: Me, personally, I like Italian. A good pizza or pasta.
Her: (Long pause) I like Italian, but I prefer Chinese.
(The other woman screamed an especially nasty insult)
Me: Ignore her. Talk to me. My favorite Chinese dish is General Tso’s Chicken. What about you?
Her: (She pauses, trying to decide whether to talk to me or yell at the other woman) I like Orange Chicken.
Me: Oh, you can’t go wrong with a good Orange Chicken and fried rice!
We worked our way around all the different culinary varieties, swapping favorite dishes.
Eventually the other woman got bored and wandered off.
Distraction as De-Escalation
Distraction is probably my favorite quirky de-escalation tool.
All you have to do is talk… and I like to talk!
Distraction works with most people, but is especially effective with people suffering from the following conditions:
- Personality disorders
- Traumatic brain injury
- Intellectual disorders
- Dementia
- Intoxication
Most people would rather talk about fried rice than fight.
Have a great week!
Peace,
Ryan
p.s. Need a mini-break from the world?
Sierra Eagleson’s acoustic cover of Led Zeppelin’s “Going to California” is four minutes of heaven: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEcoxUZnsMc