I took a new friend to dinner last week.
Our server appeared to be in her late 20’s or early 30’s.
She had the tired look of someone who had been up in the middle of the night feeding a baby.
When she took our drink order, I asked her name. It was Janice.
I made a joke to Janice, inquiring whether the pizza bite appetizer—stuffed with cheese and pepperoni—was “low calorie.”
Janice played along, assuring me that despite the decadent flavor, the pizza bites were not just low calorie. They were—in fact—negative calories!
The rest of the dinner she and I joked about dumb stuff.
When the check came, I thanked Janice sincerely for a great dinner and left her a big tip.
My new friend stared at me like I had three heads. He said, “You are really chatty with restaurant servers, huh?”
At first, I brushed it off with a flippant comment (“I like strangers”), but then decided to share my philosophy around eating at restaurants:
I made it 46 years without knowing that there was a human being named Janice who waited tables at this restaurant.
It is highly likely that I will never see Janice again. Over the coming decades, Janice will probably have more kids, and then grandkids. She will go on vacations and switch jobs and laugh and cry. Eventually, her family and friends will gather to say loving things about Janice and celebrate her life.
It is unlikely that I know anything about Janice’s life after this meal (the same way I knew nothing about before).
Our lives are on totally and completely different tracks.
BUT…. the lifeline called “Janice” and the lifeline called “Ryan” intersected ever-so-briefly over pizza bites and a cobb salad. (I ordered the salad in case she was lying about the negative calories).
This was probably the ONLY hour I would EVER have with Janice.
I made her smile a few times. She made me smile a few times. As a result, both of our lives were made 0.00001% better.
Each day you and I cross paths briefly AND ONLY ONCE with dozens of people with hopes, dreams, pains, loves, losses and lives.
If you look VERY carefully, you will see that each of those moments is dipped in whatever substance gives us our humanity.
There is beauty—even holiness—written all over the margins of our lives.
Peace,
Ryan
p.s. Everything I said about humanity/beauty/holiness is true (times 100) if the other person is broken, suffering the pains of poverty, homelessness, addiction, mental illness, trauma, etc.
